Catherine Faherty – Autism Services, Training, and Advocacy

Communication Form titled, “How Am I Doing?”

The following Communication Form is designed to be included during evaluations by clinicians. It may also be given to a person by a concerned friend.

Note: Communication Forms are checklists designed specifically to support self-knowledge, communication, and self-advocacy. It is a strategy designed and introduced by Catherine Faherty. Creating your own Communication Forms to support communication and self-advocacy – about any topic – is encouraged.

What is the purpose of the Communication Form titled “How Am I Doing”? For people at the intersection of autism and disability, poverty, trauma, sexual violence, survival behavior, unsafe living conditions, etc., personal awareness, understanding, and communicating about any form of abuse and/or violence is extremely complicated. The end result is that help is often inaccessible to the person needing help.

The Communication Form “How Am I Doing?” is offered by Catherine Faherty (Autism Specialist, Author, and Ally) and Jade McWilliams (Autistic Advocate, Activist, Artist). It is our attempt to bring awareness to and facilitate communication in the life of a person experiencing any of these life conditions. The Communication Form (once filled out) is meant to get the attention of those who can help.

“How Am I Doing?” cannot be sold or otherwise distributed for pay. Permission is given for organizations, clinics, nonprofit groups, diagnosticians, and other professionals to use with individuals and clients. Please share widely and freely with agencies, therapists, and service providers, with the intent of supporting authentic communication.

How is the Communication Form “How Am I Doing” to be used? The Communication Form is to be given to a person by a professional and/or friend. It is to help a person reflect on their living situation, and/or to note areas of concern and/or to ask for help, and/or to alert the professional to serious concerns.

It was designed to avoid the difficulty of face-to-face conversation. It is clear, concrete, and without the need to identify, process, or evaluate confusing emotional states. It was written for anyone who may not ask for help, for a variety of reasons. No talking is necessary to identify what is true; it can be completed in silence. It was written specifically for autistic styles of processing and communicating, but can be useful for anyone.

IMPORTANT: Do not mail it out as part of a package of forms prior to an evaluation or an appointment. It is meant to be presented in person – to be filled out when they are alone in a safe place – meaning not in the presence of family members, friends, or other people in the person’s life, even if the other people appear to be supportive.

Please keep in mind that the person filling this out may or may not be aware that there is anything to be concerned about. Some people after filling this out and later learning that there are serious concerns, may experience complicated emotions and/or surprise if you have follow-up questions. Emotions may or may not be expressed outwardly, in a manner that others may understand.

COMMUNICATION FORM

How Am I Doing?

Check all that is true for me. (I do not have to talk about what I have checked.)

About food and housing:

☐ Some days I am very hungry, but there isn’t enough food.

☐ Sometimes I can’t sleep because I am so hungry.

☐ I usually have enough food to eat, every day.

☐ I live alone, most of the time.

☐ One or more people live with me.

☐ I am not sure where I will sleep tonight.

☐ I have my own bed and can sleep alone when I want to.

☐ I have to share a bed most of the time.

☐ I have my own key to where I live.

☐ If I knew that I had a good and safe place to move to, I would want to move there.

☐ There is something else about food or home that I can’t say.

About transportation and going out:

☐ I can go out, away from home, when I want to.

☐ I usually (circle what’s true) – drive – take a bus – taxi – get a ride – walk – other

☐ I can go out to meet a friend when I want to.

☐ I am prevented from going out alone, or with someone else, when I want to.

☐ There is something I want to say, but I can’t say it.

About mood in general:

☐ I have cried in the past week.

☐ I have yelled in the past week.

☐ I have felt calm and peaceful in the past week.

☐ Someone gets angry at me when we are alone, together.

☐ I don’t know when or if the person will get mad at me, and yell.

☐ I don’t know when or if the person will try to hurt me.

☐ Sometimes I hurt myself.

☐ Sometimes I get sweaty and my heart beats very fast. I don’t know why.

☐ There is something else, but can’t say it.

☐ There is something else, but I am not supposed to tell anyone.

About what I have checked (true for me) on this form:

☐ I don’t want to answer questions about what I have checked.

☐ I don’t want to answer questions now, but maybe later today, or on another day.

☐ I might want to answer questions, but I am worried I might get in trouble.

☐ If there are questions, I will try to answer them, after a short break.

☐ Please type your questions (no talking). I will try to answer them by typing. All silently.

Copyright 2018, Catherine Faherty & Jade McWilliams. Permission given for organizations, clinics, nonprofit groups, diagnosticians, and other professionals to use with individuals and clients. This Communication Form cannot be sold or otherwise distributed for pay. Please share widely and freely with agencies, therapists, and service providers, with the intent of supporting authentic communication. See Information Sheet for more info.

The Friendship Quality Checklist*

Social isolation and loneliness is a current focus of research, linking a number of physical and psychological symptoms, including heart disease and depression. It is clear that having friends and being socially connected has far-reaching positive effects. However friendship doesn’t come easily for all people, and is commonly considered to be especially complicated among autistic people.

Last year in Asheville, NC, the topic of the fourth annual Autism and the Pursuit of Happiness Conference was “relationships”. Jade McWilliams (autistic activist and advocate) and I (autism professional and ally) being close friends ourselves, were curious. We decided to get information about friendship directly from as many autistic and non-autistic teens and adults as we could before the conference.

We developed a twenty-item questionnaire and distributed it thoroughly in the local Asheville, NC community and on-line through email contacts and social media. We invited groups of people connected through autism – individuals, families, friends – as well as people whose lives were mostly untouched by autism, to respond to the questionnaire. We wanted to get answers directly from as many people as possible about their views and experiences about friendship. We tried to cover a broad range of issues about where, when, who, and how people made friends; if they had friends; how many friends, on-line vs. in person friendships, how do you know if someone is a friend, and more. We kept it brief enough to be completed within five minutes, so as to encourage participation. Due to the fact that we planned to present our findings at the upcoming conference, we limited the responses to a six-week period of time. We received 275 responses from (self-identified) autistic people, and 444 responses from (self-identified) non-autistic people. Many respondents submitted written comments at the end. In this article, I am going to discuss one particular question and related responses.

We asked this question: “Do you know (is it clear to you) if a “friend” is a true friend?

Most of the 444 respondents (91.9 % (blue) who identified themselves as not autistic indicated that yes, they usually can tell if someone is a true friend or not. Only 6.3% (orange) of this group indicated that they didn’t know or aren’t sure, and a very small percentage, 2% (red) said that they usually could not tell if someone was a true friend or not.

Of the 275 autistic respondents only 25.9% (blue) answered that they usually can tell if someone is a true friend. A larger group, 39.4% (orange) indicated that they don’t know, or aren’t sure, and the remaining 34.7% (red) indicated that they usually could not tell if someone was a true friend or not.

“I never know when one is truly my friend or not, so I try to just enjoy the time I get with someone before they hurt me or I annoy them,” was a written comment by one of the autistic respondents. It represented a common sentiment expressed by many others in their written comments.

Our survey found that a majority of autistic respondents were very aware that they had trouble discerning whether someone was a true friend. I believe that teachers, therapists, and parents, have unintentionally muddied the waters when they refer to everyone in the classroom or school as “friends”. There you have it – the word “friend” being used so widely and generally, it offers no specific assistance for autistic children who need accurate information. The truth is…not all classmates or all people in the same environment are real friends. Not being able to tell if someone is a real friend makes it more possible that a person will eventually – and maybe repeatedly – find themselves in unsafe situations.

We received many comments from non-autistic people about how they know someone is a true friend. A sampling of written explanations included the following:

“Friends are like family.”

“ Friendship is something I feel from the heart…We may have many similarities or differences, it does not really matter, just that my heart says, “friend”. I am rarely disappointed in the outcome. “

“ A true friend is like sunshine on a cloudy day.”

These comments are beautiful and poetic, but they offer no guidelines to know if someone is a real friend or not. Being the teacher that I am, it was clear to me that there needs to be some way, like a screening tool, that could be used by a teen or adult when wondering about a particular person at work or somewhere else in their life.

Consequently, I came up with a 5-item checklist – The Friendship Quality Checklist – to help teens and adults think about – and analyze whether or not someone is a true friend. After we presented this checklist at the conference, an autistic woman who was the keynote speaker that year exclaimed that she wished she had this tool to refer to when dealing recently with a “supposed” friend – and encouraged me to distribute it to help others.

I invite you, autistic and not autistic, to try this out when thinking about people in your life, and let me know if it holds true. Does it help you clarify a relationship that you have wondered about? Does it help you identify true friends from others? Were there particular aspects that were most helpful? Was it not helpful at all? I invite you to contact me with your comments after using this checklist, via my website catherinefaherty.com.

The Friendship Quality Checklist* Is this person a real friend?

Why use this checklist? You may want to refer to this checklist if you are concerned about a relationship with someone at work, or somewhere else in your life. This checklist may help you figure out whether a person is “a real friend”. You are to read this checklist when you are alone, or with a trusted person, a safe person whom you trust completely. (It is not meant to be read with the “friend” you are wondering about.)

Directions: Check the box if your answer is “yes”. If you check all five boxes, then the chances are good that the person is really a friend. If you aren’t sure about one or more of them, or if there are boxes that aren’t checked as “yes”, then it may indicate that the person may not be a “real” friend – or that you need some help figuring it out. You may choose to show this checklist to a trusted person (someone different than the person in question) for help.

☐ 1. You are connected. Do you spend time with this person on a regular basis? “Regular basis” could be daily, weekly, monthly, or perhaps once or twice per year. It can be in person, or on-line.

☐ 2. You feel an inner spark of happiness. Do you enjoy being with this person? Does it feel good to you, when you are together, in person or on-line? Are you happy when you are together? Some people describe this feeling as “an inner spark of happiness”.

☐ 3. This relationship is sustainable and reciprocal. Do you have healthy and equal power in this relationship? Are you 100% safe (emotionally, intellectually, physically)? Do you feel safe with this person?

☐ 4. This relationship inspires acceptance. Are you comfortable “being yourself” when you are with this person? Are you comfortable with “who this person is”?

☐ 5. This relationship is life-changing, in a good way. Does this relationship improve the quality of your life – makes your life better in some way?

*Everyone…individuals, teachers, parents, therapists, bloggers: You are welcome to use this checklist for your personal use. If you want to publish or share it in any form (hard copy or electronic) please contact me first for permission. Thank you, Catherine Faherty

10 Guidelines for Telling Your Child about ASD

Back in the 1980s and 1990s, a highly controversial topic of conversation amongst parents and professionals was the question, “Should we tell our child that she has autism?”

German Translation

Greek Translation

Today most will agree that such self-knowledge is essential, that children need to understand how and why they may feel different from others around them…and what it means. In the absence of accurate information, all sorts of wrong conclusions may automatically fill in the gaps, which negatively affects a person’s self-knowledge. Now the question has changed to “How do I tell my child that she is autistic?” I have developed these guidelines in the years since 1990 when I first tried to explain autism to a 10-year-old boy, one of my former students. The method you use must be autism-friendly! These ideas are visually clear and orderly, and features the familiar process of sorting concrete pieces of information into two categories. more “10 Guidelines for Telling Your Child about ASD” …

Make Agreements To Improve Mutual Communication

by Catherine Faherty, written in 2010, remains valid – in fact essential – today.

Treatment options and teaching strategies in the field of autism spectrum disorders abound, and most if not all dictate that individuals with ASD must ultimately change something about themselves: how they act, how they behave, how they respond to others, the way they think, what they think – how they interact and communicate. Most non-autistic people may not be aware of – nor acknowledge the courage it takes for children and adults on the spectrum to respond to a teacher’s or parent’s unquestioned expectations that they change something as basic as their natural way of interacting and communicating. On top of that, students more often than not, experience our teaching objectives and “their” educational goals as random, or even nonsensical demands. more “Make Agreements To Improve Mutual Communication” …

Understanding Friends

A program to educate children about differences; to foster empathy and mutual understanding; with the option of supporting self-expression/self-advocacy by children on the spectrum.

German Translation

Greek Translation

Understanding Friends is designed to be presented to classes of students in the elementary and middle grades. Adaptations can be made for older classes. This article contains lesson plans and a list of supplies that you will need. After presenting this program in all its revisions, to thousands of students since 1985, I have found that usually it is most effective to go beyond the generic program (Option A) and to discuss specific issues, giving accurate information about real students in concrete situations. Options B and C will help you with this. Option D suggests ways to include the student with ASD in the presentation of this program, if so desired by the student. more “Understanding Friends” …

Catherine Faherty Catherine Faherty with Greek autism professional

FAQ About Catherine Faherty’s Mentoring

About mentoring in general:

In some countries, finding a mentor is customary for teachers and therapists in their early years of practice. They typically seek out and ask an experienced professional to be their mentor – someone whom they have heard about, or have attended their lecture or seminar – someone whom they want engage in a learning relationship with. more “FAQ About Catherine Faherty’s Mentoring” …

Autism Friendly Strategies

Catherine Faherty has been working with autistic children and adults since the 1980’s. She has developed strategies and ideas for teachers, parents, children and adults. Here is a sampling of ideas, and things to think about. Check back monthly for new ideas.

THE MISTAKE GAME

Teachers and parents can follow these instructions on how to make a funny, goofy game about making and correcting mistakes that your students or children can play, with the whole family or whole class!

SKILL TO LEARN: How to acknowledge that a mistake is discovered; understand that mistakes can be corrected; and feel okay with mistakes and the act of correcting.

NEW UNDERSTANDING: It’s okay to make mistakes. Mistakes can be corrected. Some mistakes can be funny. It’s even okay to laugh about one’s own mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Mistakes aren’t “bad”. Mistakes can be keys to learning new things.* more “THE MISTAKE GAME” …

Catherine Faherty Happy Stimmy Dancing with Dancer

THE ARM’S LENGTH GAME

Teachers and parents can follow these instructions on how to make a game to help your students or children learn what exactly is an “arm’s length”. This is a prerequisite to the PERSONAL SPACE GAME that can be played with the whole family or whole class!

SKILL TO LEARN: How to allow a socially comfortable space between you and another person.

NEW UNDERSTANDING: I know what it means to stand an “arm’s length” away from someone else.

EXAMPLE SITUATION: The child may stand too close to others, so much so that it bothers most people.

PREPARATION FOR GAME: First, you prepare with the class. You will define, literally, what is meant by “an arm’s length” by using a measuring stick. Measure different children’s arms. Make a list on the board to show the range of “arm’s length”. Find the average arm’s length. With stiff cardboard or a piece of light wood, make a measuring stick that represents the average arm’s length. Write on it “Average Arm’s Length”. (You can make a math lesson out of figuring out the average arm length of the members of the class.)

THE ARM’S LENGTH GAME: A child picks a card out of a hat which has either a location, or object, or a person’s name on it. (Examples of what can be written on different cards are: “classroom door”, “Julie’s desk”, “my locker”, “Mrs. Smith”, “fish aquarium”, “bookshelf”, and individual children’s names, “Daniel”, “Athena”, “Rickie” etc…) After reading the card that he or she picked, the child is supposed to then go to that object, location, or person, and stand approximately an arm’s length from the object or the person.

Repeat the routine reminder that we are supposed to stand “approximately an arm’s length away from people most of the time”. The child will use the measuring stick which has been marked to show the average arm’s length to help him or her know how far away to stand.

As time goes on, the children can estimate (without using the measuring stick) and then someone else can check with the measuring stick to see if they are close to the proper distance. Continue the game by taking turns picking cards from the hat.

Eventually, you will modify this game, using the same general idea by playing THE PERSONAL SPACE GAME.

First write a Social Story about personal space, and explain that personal space can be determined by using an arm’s length as a general measure. You will summarize by literally and concretely defining “personal space” as an average “arm’s length”. For more detailed instructions see directions for THE PERSONAL SPACE GAME.

Remember to write Social Stories™. Social Stories describe life. Teachers and parents are encouraged to be trained in writing Social Stories by Catherine Faherty, or another member of Carol Gray’s Team Social Stories™.